Adventures as a Grown Up

Travel Tuesday: Hurry up and WAIT!

I know it’s now Friday. But this post is something I thought about during my travel this past Tuesday from Nashville to New York City and then again on Wednesday morning as I flew into Orlando for my last conference.

Why is it that people are so anxious and in a hurry when they fly? Just think about it. You get to the airport at least an hour before your flight. As you get in line you can see everything with the 8.5x11 home printed boarding pass getting impatient that they have to wait to check their bag or wait for security. They were so impatient that they printed their boarding pass at home. What’s the point? Your plane isn’t going to leave any sooner.

As you stand in line at security there is a sense of a “need for speed”. People take their shoes and coats of when they are 10 people deep from the line. They take their computers out and shove everything on the belts as if the people behind them are silently screaming to hurry up. God forbid you’re the one that’s not ready! All of the suits behind you will just scowl. And, heaven help you if you forget to take off your watch or that metal plate in your head sets off the detector and you have to go through twice, only further holding up the line.

Then just as fast as all those pieces came off, people shove them back on and book it to their gate; shoes unties, and bags unzipped. Once at the gate there isn’t a whole lot else to do other than wait for the boarding announcement. BUT what do you see? People standing in the pre board/first class/ boarding group 1 section. Come in people! You have at least another 20 minutes. Sit down. Read the paper. Take a nap. Go to the bathroom. Something. Anything. Anything but just stand there like you’re pissed they arn’t boarding yet.

But really- why do you have to stand there? It’s not like the plane will leave sooner once you’re on it early. You’re still going to get in and sit down and wait for everyone else board. THe boarding process itself is a joke too. You people with your stupid large carry ons get so frustrated when there isn’t room for your bag over your own seat. So what! it’s not like the back half of the plane has a different final destination. Just gate check it if you’re really that upset! Plus, you have space at your feet. Put your bag there and take your seat so the other 50 people behind you and rush to their seat bumping my shoulder as they go!

Now that you’re on the plane; sit back. Relax. And enjoy the 2 hours (or 14 depending where you’re going) of doing NOTHING. People these days are so busy/rushed that now we even have internet access and the abilty to make phone calls at 35,000 ft. I remember the first time I stayed in a hotel with phone in the bathroom! Now that was amazing. Really though? Internet in the air? Is it really that necessary to check your email right NOW? Remember the days when you have to use a quarter to check your messages? I do!

Also while you’re in the air, it is necessary to be sure you lock the lavatory door behind you. (I learned this one last week and I opened the door and a man in a suit jacket turned around in shock! He was the one that didn’t lock the door, thus not illuminating the little logo that the restroom was in use. Don’t get mad at me for not knowing you were in there dude).

Now, we’re landed. Sometimes followed by applause (like when you go to Puerto Rick or Orlando). Sometimes greeted by a Southwest Attendant singing you to the gate. Either way, you can’t get up or off the plane until the cabin door is open so why, busy people, do you need to unhook your lap belt and gun it for your bag above you immediately? Or why do you turn your phone on immediately as the wheels touch the ground and I have to listed to all the beeps and notifications that you have messages, emails, and texts! You just spend the entire flight online anyway. Trust me, you’re not that important. All you can do now is continue to hurry up and wait.

By the way, standing in the isle while the flight attendants open the door and prepare for our arrival isn’t going to speed up the process either. All it does is crowd your crotch or ass into my face as I sit patiently in my isle seat. Please, get your junk out of my face! Now!

Now, we’re off the plane and all I can see is yout hightail it to baggage claim or your stupid car service. You do know that just because you move faster than the speed of light doesn’t mena the ground crew is going to beem your bag up to you! You’re still going to have to wait. And you and I both know your bag will either be the last one to come out or it will be lost. So just take your time and relax!

Get your freakin bag and go home or to your big important meeting. I have petty cash, a company credit card, a rental car, and a few suite at my hotel too. You’re not any cooler than I am. AND you didn’t get there any faster than the rest of us! You all your rushing was in vain. When you travel, it’s still going to be a game of hurry up and wait because of all the other crews working to get you there!